Jess’s Story
Jess and Lizzy
Jess shares her story about the sudden death of her younger sister Lizzy, and how- after years of silence- she’s found new ways to cope and express her grief.
Lizzy and I had an amazing relationship. She was three and a half years younger than me, and we loved playing together, whether it was with dolls, My Little Ponies, or making videos.
We created so many special memories. One of our favourites was going on family caravan holidays- spending time by the beach, playing in the sea, and feeling so grown-up when our parents let us visit the onsite shops by ourselves.
One memory that stands out the most is when I bought her a teddy of her favourite My Little Pony, Pinkie Pie. I can still picture her little face lighting up with excitement- it’s something I’ll always love thinking about.
Lizzy was a fun, bubbly, outgoing little girl who was full of joy. She always knew just when to make a joke and absolutely loved making people laugh.
In November of 2015 Lizzy suffered a bleed on the brain.
It was very sudden; she was in hospital for a few days before her life support was stopped. It was so scary for me to see. I was only 12 at the time, and seeing my little sister in intensive care was beyond awful.
The worst part was no one knew it would happen.
In the first few days after she died I felt like I had to step up and become the adult in the house, my parents were devastated.
I helped plan a lot of the funeral and make most of the decisions about the service, I felt I needed to do it so my parents didn’t have to worry.
After the funeral, I just felt numb. I didn’t understand grief or how to vocalise the intense emotions I was feeling, so I just stayed quiet.
I couldn’t even look at pictures or videos of my sister because I’d just think back to the hospital which I hated thinking about.
For about 8 years of my grief, I didn’t speak to anyone about how I felt.
Mainly because I didn’t want to bother anyone, and I didn’t know what to say. During that time, two things helped me more than anything: music and my little teddy. Music has always been a way for me to sit, switch off, and really focus on something. The artist Mac Miller helped me the most- I loved just sitting and listening to his albums.
“After the funeral, I just felt numb. I didn’t understand grief or how to vocalise the intense emotions I was feeling, so I just stayed quiet.”
More recently, I’ve started seeing counsellors, which has made a huge difference.
I’m now able to express my feelings more openly and have learned how to manage my emotions much better.
This November it will be 10 years since my beautiful sister Lizzy passed away.
My grief journey has been full of up and downs, as everyone knows, it’s never an easy journey.
This past year, I’ve become someone I really admire, thanks to all the work I’ve put in.
I’ve found a way to stay connected to my sister by sharing the amazing memories we had with others.
I know I’ll carry her with me for the rest of my life, and I truly believe all my new memories will be shared with her- she’ll be experiencing it all too.
I used to believe I’d never be anything but my grief, that it would always control my life. But now, I don’t feel that way anymore. I feel excited for my future.
“I know I’ll carry her with me for the rest of my life, and I truly believe all my new memories will be shared with her- she’ll be experiencing it all too.”
If I can give any advice, it would be this: your parents are still your parents, no matter how sad, angry, or happy they might seem. What I mean is, you don’t need to become an adult too quickly- you can talk to them, and you can lean on them for support.
I’d also say, don’t lose hope. I know that’s easier said than done, but as someone who once believed they didn’t have a future, I can now say I’m so happy I do- and I can’t wait to live it.
You are more than your grief. Live your life for you, and please reach out- because it really does make a difference.
