Georgina’s story
Georgina & Oliver
Georgina shares how she is learning to deal with the death of her brother Oliver, who died aged 16.
I was very young when Oliver was born. He had lots of health complications and had to have so many different medications to keep him alive. By the age of 10 he was doing his own medications and I remember he used to lasso his stoma bag around the house and would find it hilarious.
He was a very smart, funny, sarcastic boy. He loved singing, anime, and gaming was his life. He spent most of his years gaming in his cabin in the garden.
One night at the end of November 2021 he was very unwell and whilst the paramedics were on their way, he had a seizure, followed by a heart attack. They managed to resuscitate him and took him to the hospital. We knew this was going to be a hard recovery, if he was going to make one.
Doctors said that due to the lack of oxygen to his brain he had become completely brain damaged and if he came round, he wouldn’t be the same again and wouldn’t be able to communicate.
I think he was ready to go, we weren’t… but he was. We all got to go and say goodbye, we had however long we needed.
“I never understood how people could have a normal life when ours wasn’t normal anymore, but now not having him here for 18 months you do learn to get on with it. It does get easier, but it takes time. You have to give yourself that time… you have to be kind to yourself.”
The night he went to hospital, the emergency services came to our house and turned it into a crime scene. I had a knock at the door and the police told me I had to leave home. For me, it was petrifying and they said because Oliver was under 18 they had to investigate.
I was really really angry, as I think anyone would be because you’ve got a lot of emotions running through you.
When you lose a sibling, you are literally losing the other half of you.
There are certain people I know I can always go to, but it’s finding other people who are going through the same grief as you are. You can tell anyone that you’re grieving but they won’t 100% understand it. It’s very different to grieving a grandparent or an older person.
I know it’s part of grieving, but you wonder why, you wonder why it happened to you, or why him and then I get moments and I see something and it reminds you of him and that’s when it kind of hits again.
“I still live in the home that he lived in and I still see his bedroom and his cabin in the garden and it is a reminder, but I remember him more now than I did back then because back then I was very angry.”
I didn’t see how people could just get along with their lives when our whole entire lives had just shattered.
Before I didn’t really understand how people got on with their lives, but now I do, because the world does still spin, you do have to get on with day-to-day things. We do that in a way of remembering Oliver. On his birthday we raise money in his name, we talk about him with all the family.
When Oliver first passed away for the first 10 to 11 months, we didn’t really speak about him at home. I would speak about him to other people, but in this household it was hard.
We have now discovered we can talk about him, even though it is a little bit sad, we are very lucky to have had Oliver. Oliver was a very unique boy and he was very different.
For someone who is going through this right now, you have to be kind to yourself. I know that for a long time people might beat themselves up.
It is hard, but try to remember the memories you created with them. The memories I created with Oliver are things that I can hold onto forever.
“Even though I have to get on with my life now, you can still remember them and it is okay to feel sad, or feel angry, or even just to smile.”
I felt guilty for a really long time just for smiling, but you have to remember the memories you have with them were happy memories. You have to be kind to yourself.
I feel like Sibling Support is important because you can talk about it, you have people around you that have been through maybe the same thing, a similar thing, or something completely different, but they understand the pain that you might be feeling and that it’s okay to remember what happened, but also how to help you talk about what has happened. Just having someone there to remind you that you are an important part of being a sibling.
Reflecting on what I’ve learnt over the past 18 months, my advice for others who have lost siblings is:
Give yourself time, be kind to yourself.
You can still remember them and it is okay to feel sad, or feel angry, or even just to smile.
It is important to talk about what has happened.
